Kommunicating Karma

I have a hard time believing that deviant behavior is genuine, unless carried out by a sociopath or something. One of the biggest reasons for this is because empathy is the first logical thing we learn as children, whether we realize what it really means at such a young age. We at least know that sharing is important, and that hitting your brother in the arm is not nice because you wouldn't want him to punch YOU in the arm.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

It's basic. Simple. NICE. And the right thing to do. It's also the easiest route to avoid confrontation, conflict, and personal injury. If you do not want someone to inflict pain upon you, there is absolutely no reason you should wish to inflict pain upon them. And wouldn't you know that this principle is the golden rule of all religions. It makes me laugh that this is the golden rule and just about nobody follows it, yet, the majority of the world considers religion the key to life. It cracks me up when criminals call themselves Christians...

Anyway, what I'm getting to is this: why do people do bad things even when they know it's bad? What motivates a person to rob a bank? And how is that motivation turned into "that's a good idea!"

I was hanging out at a friend's house yesterday and one of her buddies dropped by. I just met this guy myself, and I don't know.. he seems like a relatively alright dude. He started talking about his adventure with the manager at a car rental place just the other day and the poor customer service he felt he received. He went to pick up this rental car and was told he had to pay some $15 fee for something. He was not told before renting the car that he would owe any kind of fee at pick-up and he did not have the money to cover it (he has no credit cards and did not have any cash on hand). So he ended up calling his mom so she could read off her credit card number to the manager. The dude got slightly irate with the manager about not being told of this hidden fee, and the manager snapped back with a childish "well I don't have to give you the car if I don't want to." So dude finally got the car, told the manager "it looks fucking great" (referring to the condition of the car) and peeled out of the parking lot. Dude then went on to say how he was going to drive the car as rough as possible and was not going to be respectful of this property that is not his.

I asked him "why?"
He said "because that manager was a dick!"
me: So, roughing up the car is going to prove something?
him: Well, no.. he shouldn't have been an ass-hole.
me: So, you think you're better than that guy?
him: no, I just want to one-up him.
me: so you think you're better than he is. Yunno, if you want to prove you're better than he is you shouldn't do anything at all. Let him know he was the dick and you were unscathed by his behavior. THAT would prove more than fucking up the car.
him: .....shut up! I'm gonna do it anyway. It makes me feel better and he shouldn't have been a dick.

The problem I have with this is that he KNOWS his behavior is dispicable, yet, he chooses to display it without thinking it through like a mature adult. Another reason this bothers me is that he just found out his girlfriend is pregnant and they're probably keeping it. THIS GUY is bringing a child into this world and he's still acting like one himself. I know he isn't the only example of this, and this won't be the last time I see it before my own eyes.

I'm just curious... what is his motivation? Of all the logic we humans are capable of displaying and working through, what compells someone to act like a dick to someone else?

I see it as a communication problem. Then again, I see most (if not ALL) problems come down to miscommunication. I also see it as an entitlement issue, where everyone nowadays believes they are entitled to everything they come across and will act a-fool to get their way because they know it works. But the only reason it works is because the other person doesn't want to deal with that crap and gives up the good or service just to get the person off their back. We are taught to talk and socialize.. to form our words and speak slowly so we may be understood... but we are never taught how to communicate.

One LARGE misconception about communicating is that it's just talking. The most important part of comminucating "properly" is listening. Yes, don't get me wrong-- talking is important. But if you don't listen and understand what the other person is saying, you won't know how to respond. Most people respond with a knee-jerk reaction without thinking of what they're really saying and how they are being interpreted. It takes two to communicate, but people only think of themselves while in a conversation, so whatever they say is right. Not only is it important to listen to what the other person is saying, but you must respond in a way in which THEY will understand. This is called "style flexing" and comes quite handy in interpersonal relationships. A good way of reaching an understand with someone is to repeat back to them what you heard them say. In this case, if your interpretation was not what they intended, this gives them a second opportunity to correct themself.

It takes two to communicate and it could be argued "but Holly.. if I do all these things correctly and the other person is still being stupid, what's the point in trying to be nice and reach an understanding?" The point is this: If you understand the situation and they don't, you have that advantage. How would you describe the situation to someone else? Of course it would be biased because it would be coming from you. But if you played your cards right and you KNOW you played your cards right, you have the advantage of the truth. And we all know, honesty is the best policy.