Validation Part Deux

Talked to my dad again about things and it worked out well. I think we came to an understanding, and some time has gone by so I could gather my thoughts. I got everything off my chest, and he said he would try his best to work on things. I'm relieved. I knew this animosity wouldn't carry on forever, but I was worried that I would just have to give up the struggle and leave it alone. I can't do that. I can't leave things alone until resolved. I I do, it eats me alive. I have too much of a conscience.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but a large problem was that he couldn't wrap his head around my atheism. It's very hard to explain to someone who attributes their entire existance to creationism that I need to "see it to believe it." That instead of having faith in God, I have faith in people. That in order for something to happen, I don't pray for it, I do it. Some people say that good things come to those who wait, but if there's a God, he takes too long. I explained to my dad that it is just as conceivable to say "God always was and always will be" as it is to say that life just started with the big bang. Both are as unbelievable as the next. Nobody can explain it, so I leave it alone. I find that physical evidence is more believable than God putting it there. I believe in billions of years of evolution over seven days of creation. I believe Darwin's Theory of evolution and natural selection. It's almost common sense to me. I see evidence in human adaptations as proof of evolution. How else could our African origin be explained? Humans came out of Africa (that's right, we were all black at one point) and moved north. As they moved further north, their physical features changed (skin color) because they didn't need the protective mellatonin to protect them from harsh UV rays. Skin color lightened as the need for mellatonin decreased (hence white people). And so on and so on. Direct proof in our own species. BUT I could be argued against, and I'm not shitting on those who would. Need to scoot..

peace and back pain!

Validation

Since I was about thirteen I've had a rocky relationship with my dad. I never really understood why and neither has he. Last Friday we had what some may call a "breakthrough" at our counseling session, mostly because there was a lot of crying and a lot of confessing. Oh yea-- I'm going to counseling to seek help for my family's abrupt loss of my mom. A little over a month ago when I was still in school and super stressed out from exams, papers, and my monthly visitor, I happened to mention to my dad that I wanted some counseling. He took that as his cue to seek family counseling for all of us.

After our heated session Friday afternoon, my dad called me that night and requested that we have dinner to talk about some of the things we had said to each other. I told him that I didn't think it was such a good idea to talk about those things until they were resolved and some time had passed. I explained that we shouldn't try to resolve our issues outside of counseling because that's why we're going in the first place: because thus far, we have been unsuccessful doing it ourselves. He took it as "I don't want to talk to you" and didn't understand what I was trying to say. Because he didn't understand, he continued to try to convince me that having a dinner to discuss things would be a good idea because we needed to talk about "some of the things we said to each other." From the way he said it, I knew all he wanted to do was to say that he loves me and try to convince me that he's not a bad guy. I already know these things. Every time we have a conversation about our "issues" he always ends with "I still love you" as if I were to forget at some point amidst the anger and tears. That's good and all, but it has become redundant and almost meaningless. I agreed to dinner, but I told him that it was not a good idea to talk about the issues that were unresolved during counseling since thus far we had been unsuccessful ourselves. We set the date for last night.

We went to Panera and, of course, it was delicious. We ended up talking about the things I said we shouldn't talk about, but that came to no surprise to me because knowing my dad it was inescapable. I tried to explain to him how he has made me feel over the last decade-or-so, and that he doesn't listen to me. He doesn't listen to me. Did I mention that he doesn't listen to me? I made a point of saying it a couple times to him, hoping that maybe somewhere in there he would listen. He thinks that he did something when I was younger that has made me resent him over the years. I explained that it was not a specific incident, rather, it was the accumulation of smaller incidents that have built up my resentment. It's what he has said to me and my brothers, how he treats other people, his list of priorities, his bigotry and sexism, and his unwilligness to change any of it. He is petrified of change, especially in himself, and until he accepts change as an inevitability, we can't get along in the areas we would like to.

If only he had listened to more David Bowie's "changes.."

"I can't change time, but it will change me..." or something.

Peace and whatever

The Golden Compass

I want to see this movie just to understand what all the hub-bub is. The Golden Compass is intended for children but I don't care, dammit! I want to see what reviewers are calling "anti-God." A small synopsis of the movie is here.

Apparently, the dude who wrote the books that the movie was based on is openly agnostic and athiest, and all the Christians are freaking out because he's "promoting atheism and turning children against God." Some critics say he aimed it towards children on purpose so they would go see the movie with their parents and request the books for Christmas. If this is true, he's not a very good athiest.

When you're an athiest, you don't promote atheism. If you are a TRUE athiest, you won't care what others believe especially considering some kind of religion has been the base of [probably] every civilization since the beginning of pragmatic man. You can't really change people now. The only thing I do like about this is that it offers an open-minded theory. It could get children thinking, which is something they should do-- always. Parents should not shield their children from, well, anything. Hasn't anyone heard the case of the preacher's daughter? Shelter her until she's 18 and then when she's out of the house she goes crazy-nuts trying to make up for every dumb thing she was kept from doing as a kid? Yea.

Yesterday I produced our morning show and our morning show host put his opinion over the radio waves. He said "My kids said they wanted to go see this movie and I said 'no' because of the content" and blah blah blah. I was sitting there kind-of fuming, mostly because minutes later I received a call from a dude who said "Tell [host's name] I'm glad he gave his opinion of the movie" and blah blah blah. A lady in New York said "The Christians have been prosecuted more than any other group or religion..." I about fainted. Who in the right mind actually believes the Christians have been oppressed MORE-SO than their religious counterparts?! What about the Jews? Muslims? BLACK PEOPLE! WOMEN! EVERYBODY has been more oppressed than the Christians and this woman has the nerve... I HAVE BEEN MORE OPPRESSED THAN THE CHRISTIANS! Of course, I'm kidding. Just being lavish.

I'm just sick of the closed-minded beaurocrats who complain that they aren't getting the treatment they "deserve." I think they're getting more than what they deserve. They have run this country into the ground and they say they haven't gotten anything from it?! Fuck.

Peace and Desire

right under their noses

A guy stole an entire bed from a department store. He walked out of the store taking the bed piece by piece, casually walking by servaillance cameras, employees, and customers. His face was clearly seen on the video footage and he took his sweet-ass time. The kicker: nobody caught him. I'm sure hundreds of people saw this guy and none of them said a word.

I'm wondering why we even have servaillance cameras and those damn beeping theft detectors at the front of the store. Have you ever walked through those things and they went off but the employees just say "oh that happens all the time.. go ahead."

We freak out that there are so many thieving ass-holes out there, yet when the situation presents itself we don't do anything! I know it's easy to say "I'll be a hero and save the day by stopping those robbers!" But why don't we do it? They might have a gun... but not in every case. The worst that could happen (of course) is that they do have a gun and might shoot you if you want to be a hero, but most of the time, they don't. What is stopping us? Do we just not want to get involved? Why not? Wouldn't it help if people stepped up? If I noticed a guy taking a bed piece by piece out to his car, I would suspect something and would tell somebody (mostly because these days everything, including bed sets, come in huge boxes, not individual pieces for you to carry out the store). I wouldn't just let him walk out of the store! What idiots are we?! And of course, it's much easier to say I would save the day than it would be to actually do it.

I'm just wondering why we make it so easy for thieves to get in, get out, and never be found. I know a guy a while ago took a friggin' matress from Wal Mart. Didn't Betty the humble Wal-Mart greeter notice something odd when the guy was just carrying this thing out of the store? Are we really so up our own asses that we don't recognize a robbery when we see one? Bah.. humbug.

Peace and snow