Gross AND Gross

Have you ever had a back pimple?

In case you haven't, let me tell you about the one I found staring back at me this morning... This would be the time to go up to your browser and type in whatever link you choose-- anything is probably better than the story of a back pimple.

So I woke up at my usual time of butt-crack early this morning and hit the porceline goddess. I went to get dressed and put my bra on only to be surprised by a sharp pain where my right strap should lie above my right shoulder blade. Uh-oh.. a pimple. I went back to the bathroom to check out the situation and there, staring straight back at me, was a pinhead-sized eyeball tearing apart my ego. Luckily, It was just within reach and I was able to assess the situation pretty quickly.

I could have let it grow and drew a face on it to give it hypnotic powers like Postulio from Invader Zim, but I would be too afraid I'd end up that one chick with a giant pimple on her back never able to show her face in public again. That would just be debilitating, not to mention enTIRELY too embarassing, even for me.

It all reminds me of an old friend who happened to hit puberty a little too early, especially since she went to a private school. She was a C-cup by the time she was 13, and already had a couple pregnancy scares. I remember looking at her with such admiration for a while because she was a year older and to me, she seemingly knew EVERYTHING it was to be a teenage female. She smoked cigarettes, had a black boyfriend (which was almost unheard of in my white-suburban neighborhood) named Winston (guess what kind of cigarettes she smoked?), she had big knockers, and she was already having sex. But she ALSO had a TON of back pimples for some reason, so I wasn't THAT jealous of her. It was a good thing my parents instilled good values upon me because I never really felt too compelled to follow her actions. Somehow, and I don't know how they did it, but my parents raised me to learn from other peoples' mistakes. I think it was because my oldest brother took the reigns as the "bad" child and you can't have more than one in a family-- it's too much competition.

But I remember going to the pool with this girl and my other best friend, and she would always bitch about her back pimples. She had a little brother who she liked to harass, and she would make him pop them for her! She would torment that kid so much.. I swear he ended up with mental issues because of her. She would yell at him to do her bidding all the time and would make him cry and I always felt really bad for him, even if he was kind-of a dimwit anyway. He farted on her bed one time and she yelled at him to lick it up! And he did it with tears filling his eyes.. I wonder what happened to that kid... man what torture.

That family was so messed up anyways. The parents smoked something like 5 packs of cigarettes a day. The dad reminded me of Eric Clapton, and the step-mom was just awful-scary. You always knew which cigarette butts were hers because she always wore bright pink or red lipstick. They had gigantic parrots and a hoard of dogs and cats. There were also 6 kids in that house ranging from 2-15, four of which were adopted. Three of them were from an inner-family situation where they assummed custody, and the other one was just a normal adoption. But the normally adopted child was a nightmare.. first of all, I don't know to this day if they ever told her she was adopted. Everyone else in the family knew except for her. Second, the last time I saw her was about a year or two ago walking down the street of the neighborhood (I actually think they have moved since then) wearing some skanky outfit with high-heels and Mimi make-up. Glad she grew up just like her older sister... Let's hope she has some sense and pops her own damn back pimples.

Gross.